"My brother, Tony, is better hung than me. He says that fact alone demonstrates how the universe manifests its integral sense of balance.

Tony makes such statements to annoy me."

 -- Vinny, second son of Guido Mastromanni, Decorator to the Stars

Story Summary

During the deluxe and chintz crazed 80's, in a rough neighborhood between Manhattan and The Hamptons, the interior decorators ofÊ Brooklyn trade bitch-slaps and snaps with those of Queens. The conflict which reflects a decade's inner flounce.

Despite countrified Ralph Laurenesque fantasies and financial realities of these blue-collar boroughs, three erstwhile good fellas and "brothers" seek to pursue Angie Delvecchio, the "girl" with the tallest hair in Red Hook. Their adoptive and closeted father, Guido, is a swish presence in private who harbors a huge stash of chintz and watered silk upholstery fabric - possessing the ability to transform Red Hook into something truly yuppie - a power to build or raze - depending on your side of the real estate market.

Joey the Bookkeeper who plays show tunes in the evening, Vinny the Fashion Policeman, and Tony the Slut - also known as Judy, Joan, and Miss Thang - brothers whose chest hair is caught in a web of mousse and gold chains - kept in check only by their baby sister Carlotta the beautician. . Each narrates this overwrought floral chintz print of synth-pop and slang in his unique blend of bitchiness and bathos, tracing its designer threads across neighborhoods. By the 90's minimalist movement, each must face styles and fabrics never suspected, then make determination whether to embrace the future or move to Virginia Hunt Country.