She traipsed into my office, as subtle as a topless blonde at a PTA meeting. She said her name was M.G., and would I look at her manuscript? Every fibre of my being told me to say 'no' but the dinged, steel-tipped baseball bat she held in her meaty fist whispered that would be a bad move.

-- Stolen from the #16 best seller, Seven Deadly Syntaxes by Mickey Spillane

About the Author

M.G. TARQUINI took up writing during a long layover in Boise. The airport's bookshop only carried The Farmer's Almanac, A History of the Potato and a single copy of a Star Trek Tie-in Novel written by somebody calling himself Lance Borg. Snowed-in and bored out of her mind, Ms. Tarquini decided to put that high-school typing class to use and tapped out her first novel, BUBBAS, due to be published as soon as she runs the spellchecker over it.

Following her astounding success with BUBBAS and finding herself picking lint off a sweater after missing a connection in Schnectady, Ms. Tarquini warmed up the laptop and the fingertips again to write her second novel, PALEST MAUVE. She's waiting to become famous for that until after BUBBAS wins the Nobel Prize.

Ms. Tarquini earned her GED in the San Quentin Correctional Facilities Bridge to the Outside program. She graduated top of her class and got extra ice cream for a week. When not sounding out the instructions for microwave meals, Ms. Tarquini likes to spend her time watching the Sci Fi channel and wondering why all the shows on it are so popular.